Finally, an Umbrella Worthy of Panic

Maybe you read not so long ago about the Burlington teenager who, like any good mallrat, went to the mall and had a SWAT team dropped on him.

His crime wasn’t the result of a tormented, bullied childhood manifested as guns and pipe-bombs.  He had an umbrella on him.  And people panicked and called the cops.  And the best/worst part was: the umbrella looked like a sword.

Quick aside: seriously, what kind of jerk freaks out over a katanumbrella?  Not because it doesn’t look like a weapon, it does, that’s the point, but who freaks out and mistakes it for a gun?  I understand that the number of people in Burlington who have any amount of context in which a katana fits is mostly limited to guys who watch a lot of Japanese cartoons, but who’s mental image of a rifle is so fuzzy any foreign handle shoved into a sack defaults to firearms?

And it’s not like they were storming Palau, here, either.  They were in a damn mall, where the kid with a sword’s pretty much the opposite of a danger, even if it were a real sword.  He probably had a backpack full of Pokemons and Pogs, I don’t know whatever dorky things kids do these days, but you know that fits the bill.  You definitely don’t go all Bobby Shaftoe on him.

Anyway, you can find swordbrellas online pretty much anywhere for around thirty bucks, see, here’s one that looks like a cavalry sabre.  Thirty bucks is the going price for novelty umbrellas, much like these umbrellas that actually look like rifles.


Now that’s the sort of umbrella that deserves a good panicking over.  You gotta love that the trigger pops the thing open, too, that’s priceless.

Even though we’re positive that if people think that umbrellas that are swords are guns, people will also probably think umbrellas that are guns really are guns, you gotta admit: these don’t look altogether gun-like.  Cloth nylon furniture never really took off.

What do you think?  Is this suicide-by-cop waiting to happen, or a hilarious umbrella that will keep you both dry and badass?