Super-Awesome Urban Assault Concealment CamelBak is Super-Restricted (Video)

You know those days where you know you’re gonna have to pack a lot of heat, like two or three guns at least, and then on top of that at least two quarts of water, this is definitely water and not $90 worth of white tequila, and then go hiking for five or ten hours, but have no possible way to carry all that stuff?

We know, we call those Mondays, too.

Well thank God for CamelBak, because they’ve stepped up the game with their latest in tactical baggery, the Urban Assault Concealment Pack.

The UACP, in addition to packing one and a half liters of any fluid you choose (anything, wink) and serving it straight into your face with its hydraulic anaconda, it features a laptop compartment, a main compartment with a MOLLE strap that also accepts clip-on holsters, a lumbar compartment for another handgun, and something called an “overflow can” for a third pistol.

Nobody’s going to fucking take your tequila.

Water, we meant water.

But there’s something quite more to this Urban Assault Concealment Pack, and we don’t mean just the awesome awesomeness of its 420 denier high density Nylon construction, with 1,680 denier Ballistic Nylon on its boot and other high abrasion area, nor do we mean its adjustable straps or its fleece-lined pockets for your glasses and cell phones and cameras.

There’s something, different, about this CamelBak.  Something above our pay grade.


Yep, you read that correctly, this is a backpack of mass destruction, it is a destructive device with a bore greater than .500″, you can’t even get one of these CamelBaks with a $200 tax stamp and a letter from the ATF.  It’s reservoir features too high a rate of fire and you can conceal freaking plutonium in all those (soft, fleece) pockets (so you don’t scratch up your plutonium).


This is strictly for the personnel of the military and law enforcement agencies.  Our hats are off to anyone who’s qualified to operate this tactical satchel, it clearly is no match for the sack you were born with, although it is available in a wider array of color options, and to all the people who want one of these fine backpacks, well, you still have time to enlist.