What you’ll need for the zombie apocalypse:
Dried food, first aid, bottled water, and lots and lots of ammo for:
One good rifle (rhymes with shaziznikov)
One good shotgun (go 12 or go home)
One good handgun, with at least a single bullet (not for use on zombies)
Something nice and sharp (because you can, in fact, run out of ammo).
Something like a Ka-Bar ZK knives. Listen, we all love Spyderco’s varied and many cheap knives that with fillet your skin off if you look at them wrong, but only once and then the blade falls off. There’s something about inexpensive and vicious-looking that’s appealing; like if you lose one or give one away, you won’t actually be out any cash money for another, as Spyderco accepts empty cans and packing peanuts as currency for their cheap and fun knives.
They’re fun but they don’t mean business. Not like Ka-Bar means business. Ka-Bars have been known to stop gunfights. Every time someone touches a Ka-Bar both their height and IQ go up. Fractionally, yes, but it makes a difference over time. Owners of Ka-Bars will continue to have sex into well into their sunset years.
So when it comes to the end of the world as you know it, you should probably own a Ka-Bar. And when the end comes for your brains at a slow shuffle, you’ll be better off with a Ka-Bar ZK than with some lesser knife that’s just sharpened-stick-territory. Why? Not only are they Ka-Bar which have been proven to intimidate the otherwise-mindless horde, they’re electric day-glo green. They’re a kind hyper-green that draws green from other green object which will fade to gray after being exposed to the Ka-Bar.
Why is this a big deal? When the world is turned to shit, the fires have all make the sky shit-colored, and the zombies have generally ruined the entire world’s week, that green will brighten up your day, that’s why. On look at a Ka-Bar ZK knife and you’ll find yourself grinning. Oh, that and you can still find it even when it’s all filthed up with blood and shit. Shit, that green you can see through walls.
And like all Ka-Bars, they won’t set you back too much unless you decide to buy the whole set: the Ka-Bar ZK-War Sword, $70, Ka-Bar ZK-Death Dagger, $70, Ka-Bar ZK-Pestilence Chopper, $48, Ka-Bar ZK-Acheron Skeleton, $13, and Ka-Bar ZK-Famine Tanto, $48.
Be warned, if you do buy all of them, some people have seen green in their urine, greening of the whites of their eyes, and a general greening of their pallor. But none have died at the jaws of zombies.