Breast Implants and Paintball: a Cautionary Tale

A 26-year-old British girl went paintballing and took one to the breast.  Hurts, yeah, that’s paintball for ya.  But in her case, things were different.  She’d had her breasts augmented and the strike, er, damaged it.  She’s fine, full recovery, and a new policy for UK Paintball:

“‘We respectfully ask that any ladies with surgical breast implants notify our team at the time of booking,’ says a statement on UK Paintball’s website.

“‘You will be given special information on the dangers of paintballing with enhanced boobs and asked to sign a disclaimer.’

“‘You will also be issued with extra padding to protect your implants while paintballing.’”

Only there’s still a problem with that: try finding some standardized chest protectors for women.  Does this look like it would work out great for, or even appeal to women?

We’re taking this seriously, here, this isn’t just some chance for us to go all “boobies boobies boobies” on the Internet because we clearly just got that out of our system.  Boobies.  There is a gap in the paintball safety equipment market for those with breasts; it’s something that the real body armor people started tackling some time ago.

With more and more women shooting, there’s going to be more and more women paintballing.  And taking one in the boob, augmented or otherwise, hurts like hell.  It’s not much different from taking one in the beanbag, except they make devices to help down there.

Of course, some women can get by just fine with existing chest protectors, and some, like their dude counterparts, may choose not to even use paintball armor.  But women with larger breasts, which would account for most women with breast implants and therefor those at risk of implant damage, aren’t going to be comfortable or even especially protected by paintball armor for men.

And it’s not just about preventing implant blowouts, either.  If the one thing holding a girl back from the pastime is discomfort or displeasure of available equipment, then that’s something that needs tackling.  Besides, the first company that diversifies into a line of women’s paintball equipment is the first company to get a dedicated following of money-paying fans.

As it stands, a warning and some custom body armor for women that have breast implants (and are willing to admit it to the teenager handing out paintball helmets) is one way to do it.  But we could have it so much better, right?

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