I’m going deaf. I know why, too: I shoot guns. A lot of guns. I go through more rounds on any given afternoon than the Army allots for training a soldier in a year. And I wear my ear phones. I’ve even taken to stuffing foam plugs in my ears under my active noise reduction hearing protection. And I still leave the range with a dull thumping under my forehead. And the ringing in my ears when things finally do get quiet sounds something like a manic Salvation Army bell ringer.
I know you feel my pain, what with the elves all squawking and the sleigh bells and all. There has to be a way. Maybe muzzles for the elves? Stuff cotton balls in the bells? New exhaust systems for the reindeer? For me, the answer is simple enough. I need a versatile silencer. I need something that can dampen that crack crack crack of an AK. And I need it soon.
I’d suggest the Specwar. Silencerco makes really nice suppressors. I bet you thought I was going to ask for a Saker. They’re nice, too. But I’m not greedy. Sure, the Saker is state-of-the-art, and it has some versatile features that set it apart from every other silencer on the market, but it is more than I need. I prefer the simple lines of the Specwar. And the fact that it comes in .30 means I can use it with just about anything. .308, 7.63×39, .300 Blackout. I could even use it on a .223 if I needed to. The Saker may be the perfect .223 can, but it isn’t nearly as versatile for those of us who prefer larger hunks of lead.
The Specwar would revolutionize the way I take down hogs. The obscene crack of a .308 tends to spook the porcine vermin (well not the one I’m aiming at, but the others…). I bet I could get off four or five solid shots before the rest of the heard caught on to their impending doom.
And the Specwar would make a day at the range much less debilitating. Now that prices of 7.62×39 are coming back down, I’ve been giving the AK a good work out. And the SLR 107-34 has a threaded barrel already.
Check out the video above and you’ll see what I mean. It is clearly, without a doubt, the perfect holiday gift.
I’m not picky about color. You can go with the simple flat black, or with the desert tan. The whole can is only 9 inches long, and just 1.5 inches wide, so it isn’t going to take up too much room on the sleigh. And it weighs in at a pound and a half, which will help with fuel economy.
I feel guilty about asking for something the elves can’t make, but I wouldn’t want you to run afoul of the ATF. You know those import restrictions can be hell. Just have the elves print up some old-fashioned American green-backs. The Specwar has an MSRP of $899. So if you’ll just swing by Utah on your way south, you can pick one up.
But don’t bring it here! I’ve hung my stocking with a special FFL in Richmond, Virginia, so when you see it there, you’ll understand. Just do me a sold and text me the serial number off the can, and I’ll get this paperwork over to the elves at the ATF and we’ll all sleep well on Christmas night.
If it’s not too much trouble, I wouldn’t mind a matching set of Silencerco cans. I put in a good bit of trigger time with 9mms and .45s. I wouldn’t complain. In fact, I’ll go ahead and get started on the paperwork, just in case. If you’re looking for ideas for other gun nuts on your nice list, silencers are a great way to go. After all, there’s no reason why anyone should have to listen to gunfire all day long. It is noise pollution. And it can spook the reindeer.