Watch conservatively dressed Japanese women blast crooks with net guns (VIDEO)

In what looks to be the most one-sided portrayal of how to take down violent criminals, we bring you this often entertaining Japanese net gun commercial.

Apparently in the Home Islands, whenever a rough handed attacker is ready to break bad, they first don a mask and grab a blunt object before heading to the local office complex, where they present themselves, gesture wildly, and wait patiently to take a net gun to the face.

What then, you ask?

Well, that’s when the whoopee squad prances in with curved pitch forks to hold said creep to the floor and wait for…well…we don’t know what happens then. Perhaps ninjas or samurai in a box.

Also, we don’t know why the pitchfork gang waited patiently in another room before springing into action. We guess the proper rules of engagement is net gun first, then pitchfork, not the other way around. Although the scenes where the most honorable office worker took said crook for a drag in the absence of the uniformed forkers were genius. At this point we weren’t sure if this was for an actual product line or some sort of trailer for a fetish site.

But wait, there’s more!

If you make it to the end of the clip, there is also bonus footage of what looks like a pepper spray/marking gun in use. And we use the term “gun” in this entire post very loosely.

We are curious as to how many of these guns would be needed  to take down Godzilla or Mothra, however.

You're gonna need a bigger net

You’re gonna need a bigger net