Baseball Bat Sales Soar across England

On August 4th, Mark Duggan of London, England, was shot to death by the police in a cocaine sweep of the Tottenham neighborhood.  He died of a single gunshot wound to the chest.  That part everyone agrees on.  The sticking point is whether or not he was armed.

Firearms, of course, are verboten in England (so are knives, rude gestures, and the satirization of parliamentary proceedings) but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.  It’s absolutely possible for a person to be able to acquire handguns, just not legally.  And so the question is, did Mark Duggan have a gun?

His friends and family say he didn’t.  Naturally they aren’t the best witnesses because they’re likelier to be biased.  The police have some evidence that implicated Duggan, a bullet in a walkie-talkie, and a modified (to shoot bullets) starter pistol.  This is suspect being that the hollowpoint lodged (safely) in the radio is the same make as what the police use.

After this came to light, protests against the police started in Tottenham, which broke out into riots.  The police response was, well… there were seventeen hours between the start of the riots and the first police interventions, although they were present since early that morning.

The damage to London is ongoing, but now in its fifth day, is mostly mob violence against the police with less looting and arson.

The police have arrested some 1,100 people in conjunction with the riots which have spread well outside the confines of its first neighborhood, with at least 20 civilian casualties, mostly victims of looters, and well over a hundred police officers (including dogs) injured or killed.

So what’s a scared, unprotected London to do?  Stock up on baseball bats, that’s what!  Either that or the sport has finally won over all those silly cricket fans just dragging their heels to play a game where the rules are in English.  Funny thing, though, they’re mostly kids’ bats.  You know, those short little T-ball bats that you can swing super-fast.

A look at’s hottest sellers spells it all out.  In addition to bat sales being up as much as 15,000%, they’re selling kubotan sticks up 2,000%, tactical pens up 5,000%, and entrenching tools up a staggering 200,000%.  Telescopic batons may be up 35,000%, but their unavailability makes us think that was an Amazon whoopsie.  Batons = dangerous.  Entrenching tools = handy.

We can’t be sure that the British are arming themselves with whatever they can get their hands on, it’s possible there’s been a renaissance of camping and baseball.  And kubotan, whatever the hell that is.  Yeah, that must be it.

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