Grand Theft Auto V: The Official Trailer (VIDEO)

“Grand Theft Auto V is coming September 17, 2013.

“Los Santos: a sprawling metropolis full of self-help gurus, starlets and fading celebrities struggling to stay afloat in an era of economic uncertainty and cheap cable TV. Amidst the turmoil, three very different criminals risk everything in a series of daring and dangerous heists that could set them up for life.”

The work week of September 16-20 is going to be plague-ridden I tell you. It’s cold and flu season early this year. Besides, kids are going back to school and who knows what those little carrier brats brought back home from some other snot-dripping kid at school.

No quantity of hand-washing and Purell is going to prevent the GTA-V virus from crippling this country.

But you can be prepared. Stock up on fluids; Mountain Dew is traditional but coffee and Red Bull are always permitted. You won’t be able to eat much at once if you catch GTA-V, and you’ll probably have limited hand functionality. Here there are many options, beef jerky, kippered steak and meat snacks in general. They are handy and tidy. Remember, people with GTA-V will be somewhat immobile and should stay away from anything that crumbles, smears or makes your fingers turn orange.

If you think you might wind up getting GTA-V, be sure to stock up ahead of time. You won’t be leaving the couch for a while, so make sure you have everything you need, even extra AA batteries just in case.

And a note to others: be compassionate. GTA-V cannot be avoided, and a coworker or loved one you know gets GTA-V, have patience with them. The first play through is for the plot. They’ll have the rest of the year to get through all the mini-games. But for that first week of September, everyone with GTA-V will be pretty low-functioning, and you shouldn’t have any expectations of them.

GTA viruses only mutate every few years or so; let them play their course; in time, people’s lives will return to normal.

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