Haters hating on ‘Noir,’ NRA’s new web series (VIDEO)

05/16/14 4:13 PM | by

It didn’t take long for the media to start dousing Colion Noir’s new web series, eponymously titled ‘Noir,’ with hate.

For those who have yet to view the first episode, ‘Noir’ is a show geared toward young people that discusses “the latest on firearms, fashion, pop culture and other hot topics,” according to Noir, the self-proclaimed “urban gun enthusiast” and National Rifle Association commentator.

In one blistering review by the libertarian-leaning Reason.com, Elizabeth Nolan Brown wrote that the “overall effect suggests the show was written by a bot exclusively pulling from the Washington Free Beacon and Perez Hilton.”

Brown then laid out 11 “cringe-inducing moments” during the 16-minute long show, including this exchange between Noir and his affable cohost Amy Robbins.

“Is it me or is Mayor Bloomberg the lamest billionaire on the planet?” —Noir (Followed by Robbins: “Okay, I love that you called him the world’s lamest billionaire. It’s so true!”)

Gawker writer Adam Weinstein ripped it apart, calling it “hilariously bad poser garbage,” further jabbing Noir’s rhetoric as “cringe-inducing ‘urban’ script copy dropping out of Noir’s mouth like it was written by a white Mitch McConnell intern on summer break from Liberty University.”

At the end of his article, Weinstein takes a personal shot at Noir’s love of hats.

“Also, how trustworthy is this Colion Noir?” asked Weinstein. “Put another way: Who in good conscience can wear a Yankees hat … and a Phillies hat? A fucking poser, that’s who,” he chided.

Mike Spies for Vocativ slammed ‘Noir’ as being “produced by aliens who spent an hour studying American pop culture,” claiming that the “NRA employs millenial-friendly tropes to attract younger members — and fails miserably.”

Well, here’s the question? Is ‘Noir’ really that bad of a show?

I think it’s too early to make that call. Putting aside the specious personal attacks and the untenable snark, what can definitely be said about the show is that there were some structural shortcomings in the first episode.

The intro, for example, rambles on for four minutes (roughly a quarter of the entire show) and in it Noir doesn’t just discuss what he’s going to cover during the first episode but what he’s going to talk about in future shows. I found this to be a little confusing. I’d imagine I’m not the only one.

The flow of the show was disjointed. One minute they’re talking about Dan Bilzerian’s bombshell groupies, the next minute their doing their version of MTV cribs called “Gun Pads,” which is a cool premise but it wasn’t exactly clear whose pad it was as there was no tour guide showing off the rather exquisite collection of firearms, then Billy Johnson, another NRA commentator, just randomly appears to talk about “statists.”

I’m not going to comment on camera angles or the style of the show but to say that at one time I felt as though I was watching a reprisal of Michelle Bachmann’s Tea Party response to President Obama’s 2011 State of the Union address.

Another cringe-worthy line, according to Reason.com’s Brown:

“It’s pretty blatant that Hillary is no longer sleeping with Bill Clinton,” says Noir, “because if she were, he would inform her that this whole gun issue thing and trying to walk this elusive line of gun control but still for the Second Amendment rights is probably not the smartest thing to do.”

Compared to other NRA programming, like former Navy SEAL Dom Raso’s ‘Media Lab,’ which is basically a tactical version of ‘Myth Busters’ for combat and fight scenes in film and television, that has a clearly defined identity and structure — they just premiered episode 2 of ‘Media Lab’. ‘Noir’ has yet to find its footing.

My recommendation to Noir, for what it’s worth, would be to simplify the segments (less non-sequitur dialogue), work on the transitions so they become more fluid and less disorientating and cover fewer topics but discuss them more in-depth or, if you still wanna cover all that ground, take a page outta ESPN’s PTI and put a tracker on screen so folks can more closely follow the flow and content of the show (delineate the show’s skeletal structure to the viewer).

Oh yes, and don’t listen to the haters (including me, though, I hope I was being more constructively critical and encouraging than downright hateful), because you’re capable, talented and you’ll get things right.  Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is mistake-free programming.

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