Meanwhile, in Japan … (VIDEO)

This guy is so Batman he probably stops crime on a regular basis without even knowing it.

Like, when he goes to get a Slurpee or whatever coconut-prawn-flavored equivalent Japanese convenience stores sell, even shoplifters are gonna be all, “Dude, put that shit back, the Bat is here!”

“You mean he’s real?”

“How bad do you want to find out, let’s just book it!”

On the other hand, it probably sucks sometimes to be J-Batman. You know people are going to ask for your autograph. You know people are going to be like, “Hey can you come to my kid’s birthday party, he’s a huge fan.”

And then the Bat has to go and say “Look, man, I don’t do birthdays. I’m a professional Bat, I do Bat stuff,” but the other guy says, “Aw, that’s too bad because my son’s been real sick; the doctors don’t even have a prognosis and he’s already missed almost a full year of school.”

So you know the Bat has to go to this kiddo’s birthday party, and the kid’s mom makes a huge pile of food and won’t stop until the Bat’s had like, thirds on everything, which is sweet except she’s Korean, which is pretty progressive in Japan, but the Bat’s stomach does not agree with kimchee …

And then forever after Batman has this rep all across Japan that he’s super-nice and fights crime and goes to sick kids’ birthday parties … but did hear he, like, farts a lot? Yeah, the Bat has the pickled cabbage toots, it’s crazy.


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