From Santa and Krampus to George Bailey and Cousin Eddie, the question pops up this time of year: What gun would they run if the Christmas character could run guns? 

With that, here's what we came up with:

Santa - M1911 


m1911 santa gun
Chris Cringle is well-known to rock an M1911.

Ahh, good old St. Nick. We are sure as verified through the recent documentary Fat Man – that the jolly old elf in the red suit would be an M1911 fan (although FullMag contends he is a .50 cal guy) because, well, he is the ultimate boomer, right?

Also, the Navy currently lists "Admiral S. Claus" in the Reserves as a dual-hatted Public Affairs Officer/Naval Aviator, authorized to submit travel for his POV as "Suitable government transportation is not available" and allowance to use relaxed grooming standards. "Per diem is authorized and has been modified to include large quantities of hot cocoa and cookies," says the Office of the Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy. So yeah, we are gonna go M1911 on this one. 



mark 2023
HK should have just labeled this "The Krampus".

Kind of the polar opposite of Santa when it comes to making a list and checking it twice, this old Central European punisher of brats would, naturally, carry an HK MK23 SOCOM pistol, a tool especially invented to punish brats of the type hiding in caves somewhere. 

Grinch- Braced AR pistols 


pistol brace
"You're a mean one..." 

This one is a layup in a year in which gun regulators are staged for a draconian abuse of power that could end up with four million assorted firearms under the gun. Some people just can't stand to see happiness down in Whoville. 

Elves- NAA Mini Revolvers


north american arms gun
Fresh from the workshop...

While Marcus in Bad Santa (in)famously traveled with a S&W Model 60 under his green stocking cap, we feel that a more appropriate arm for Santa's little helpers would be one of NAA's Mini Revolvers

Bad Santa- Taurus Judge


taurus judge
You're not going to shoot right for a week...

We had to follow up the Marcus reference by theorizing what Willie T. Soke would have on him besides a blackjack and a wooden Christmas pickle. The obvious answer: a Taurus Judge and we will fight you if you think otherwise. 

Ebenezer Scrooge- Taurus G3


taurus g3
Affordable and reliable. You don't have to be a miser to like that. 

Mr. Scrooge has plenty of gold for whatever firearm he may desire. And even though he’ll happily sit and swim in his piles of money, he still can’t resist a (low-cost) semi-auto handgun for when uninvited guests drop in late at night. With the Taurus G3, old Ebenezer would surely find a Christmas morning miracle. 

George Bailey- Police Trade-in .38


smith and wesson 641 revolver
We have like 20 of these beauties in stock.

The steward of the old Bailey Building & Loan, George Bailey, had to be thrifty but could still recognize quality. That’s why he would surely pick a low-mileage police trade-in Smith K-Frame with a lot of life left in it to keep in the safe whenever things got squirrely. 

While we are here, we feel we should note that GB was portrayed by real-life OG Jimmy Stewart, who before filming had taken some time off from Tinsel Town to pilot B-24s over Germany in WWII. He would continue his Air Force service into Vietnam (where he tagged along on a B-52). The call to serve probably came naturally as his grandfather commanded a regiment at Gettysburg.

Yukon Cornelius- Ruger Redhawk


ruger redhawk
For those quiet walks around the Island of Misfit Toys.

For those traveling around in the frozen North and the intestinal fortitude to hang out in the Abominable Snowmonster's stomping grounds, we recommend the big medicine of a Ruger Redhawk for when a licked pickax just isn't enough. 

Cousin Eddie- Hi-Point 


hi point pistol
Don't be fooled by the haters. This is peak performance.

Easy to tuck away when wearing a robe while conducting outside maintenance. Yet still sleek enough not to clash with a sized women's medium V-neck sweater and black dickie. Hi-Point pistols just scream rural-to-suburban aristocrat  and you don't have to be a Mississippi leg hound to sniff that out. However, don't think you are gonna just luck into one of these bad boys "because we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.”

Jack Skellington- CZ75 SP-01 


cz 75
ardon me, do you have this in white pinstripes? 

There is just something undeniably hipster about JS, and you can't be a gun hipster without having a CZ. The SP-01 fits the bill on this one and is fit for a king, even if they are a pumpkin king. 

Honorable mention: Ralphie gets an AK

Sure, the whole film is centered on an air gun, but with the modern sporting rifle movement hitting the mainstream in the past couple of decades, it is about time for Ralphie to get the Kalash upgrade. 


Finally, let this article also serve as your yearly reminder that Deck the Halls can be sung to the tune of Black Sabbath's War Pigs, and vice versa.


Merry Christmas from!

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revolver barrel loading graphic