Stalking the Elusive Toilet Paper Roll in the Wild

03/23/20 2:53 AM | by

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

Spotted!

With the Great Toilet Paper Panic of 2020 underway, we took to the woods in search of the ever-elusive tissue roll in the wild.

With the vast majority of TP in circulation in North America hailing from domesticated herds, rolls loose on the range are typically eschewed by the average consumer as they have a perhaps unjust reputation of being “gamey.” However, for those in the know, experiencing freshly harvested wild-caught TP rolls can be life-changing.

They are a bit tricky to find sometimes, so here are few tips.

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

Due to their size, wild TP often stick to tight trails through the trees (All photos: Chris Eger/Guns.com)

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

Camo is essential when stalking TP, as their eyesight is amazingly sharp and they can spot the inexperienced hunter from miles away

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

Not ground burrowers by any means, TP can sometimes be found bedded down in depressions…

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

…and other hides

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

They can sometimes be caught in the open, passing along log bridges and roots over obstacles.

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

Keep in mind they can often be found on ridgelines as well

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

Caught at the watering hole.

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

While typically ground-bound, under the right circumstances TP can be found taking to the trees

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

Spotted!

A roll of toilet tissue hiding out in the woods like a deer

As with most woodland creatures, you can see the young does of the species take to the larger and more Alpha bucks during the rut

An stunningly beautiful bearded man holds a big bag of toilet tissue and smiles

Don’t worry, no TP was harmed in the making of this post. We love our tissue here at Guns.com. At this point, this could be my 401K

Want more?

Since you came this far and still apparently can’t get enough of this stuff, here are some more TP-related videos that have recently popped up on the gun tubes.

22Plinkster tests out the rolls against CCI Stangers (not a misprint) and 5.7x28mm.

Edwin Sarkissian taps in a Glock 19 in 9mm

And the Gould Brothers bring out the 12 gauge to cover the bases.

Finally, in an honorable mention, the VSO Channel runs a test for purely educational purposes on how long you can use a TP roll as a suppressor cover before the flame sets in.

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